Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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