You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
