I hate your face
I faked an abortion last night.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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