You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
