cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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