Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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