Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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