Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
