i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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