Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
