Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
