remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
