Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
