PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
