Me too!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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