Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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