so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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