cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
