i will never coherently bang her
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
