just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
