So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
