So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
