I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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