Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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