some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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