Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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