I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
