Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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