no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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