What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
