I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
