last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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