Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
