she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He did a backflip because drugs
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
