Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
