the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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