Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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