How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
