Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
