I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
