By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
