woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
