I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
