Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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