I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
dude. I can hear the air.
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