shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
