wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
