I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
