I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
