I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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