you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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