Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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