If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
