Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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