I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He passed out mid-signature
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize