yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
