I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
