I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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