i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
