im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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