i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm too high and old for this...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
