Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
