Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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