Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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