He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize