It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
