when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
