That's when you crack a 10am beer
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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