Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Randomize
