Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
