I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
