i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
