me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
